Mommy Wars Part 1

Let me start of by saying that the me from five years ago would most likely be shocked and appalled by what I am about to write. The question I'm interested in is why women stay at home and why women work?

I admit that the debate between staying at home and working is elitist in itself.  Many people can simply not afford a two income household or are single mothers who have to work.  I also recognize the racial backdrop of these debates, but I'll talk about that more later.

I'm breaking this down into a couple of categories:  mainly the emotional side, the money question, changes in relationship with your partner, and affect of the children.  

Before I had my son, I would heatedly challenge anyone on why women need to stay in the workforce while having children.  When some of my friends in college talked about how all they wanted was a husband and children to stay home with, I freaked out listing the opportunities women have now as a result of the feminist movement.  I would ask "why in the world would you want to be just a mom?"  To me, that was equated with the 1950's June Cleaver image of the paranoid housewife asking "is this all there is?"  I wanted a challenging career, equitable partner in life, and oh yea some kids thrown in the mix that I would happily have grandma watch. 

Then I met the love of my life, Aaron.  With him, everything made sense.  We started living together after three months and were married within a year and a half of meeting.  I could see my future with him and for first time I wanted to be someone's wife and eventually (like a five year plan) have kids.  Well three weeks after the wedding, I got pregnant (we are too damn fertile) and it shook my entire foundation.  I loved being pregnant and still thought, ok I can keep working and teaching while having my son, no big deal.  Then I lost my job (don't get me started on that one) and I realized it actually might be a blessing in disguise.  As soon as I saw my son's adorable face, I thought to myself, "there is no way in hell I'm leaving him." 

That's when I became a convert to the idea of staying home.  I want to be the one there when he has his firsts:  first time crawling, walking, word, etc.  I won't lie, I would be extremely jealous if someone else got to experience all of Connor's firsts.  Now don't think that I've given up my feminist roots, I haven't.  Instead I love feminism all the more because it allows women to have choices.  No mother is the same as another and what is right for one will be totally wrong for another.  I don't want to be a stay at home mom for the rest of my life.  I want to go back to work at some point, but not right now or anytime soon.  I don't think that the care mothers provide can be replicated by anyone (even dad, it's just a different relationship) and call me selfish, but I want to be the one Connor wants when he is upset and I want to be the one there to cheer him on during his development.  Right now, my most important job is being Connor's mommy, simple as that.