Tears or Sleep

Last night, while not sleeping for the umpteenth time in a row, I had a breakdown.  My eyes started to water and I sat up in bed scolding my six month old to please please please let mommy sleep.  I actually shook my finger at him questioning what was wrong with him to wake up every 45 minutes by hitting me and tossing and turning.  (At this point in the night, the idea of him being in the crib was too far fetched and he was in bed with mommy and daddy.)  Aaron looked at me like I had a hole in my head for talking to Connor like that, but I was so exhausted I didn't know what else to do. 

I am literally exhausted and vowed that something, SOMETHING, could be done.  I'm not asking for 10 hours (like my friend Marissa and her baby Barrett who came out of the womb peacefully giving 8-10 hours a night of sound sleep), but I'd like maybe 4.  Is that too much to ask?  So Marissa let me borrow two sleep books, (that she never had to use haha) and my other friend Alana let me borrow one as well.  I'm working on the No-Cry-Sleep Solution now and am going to do all the necessary logs tomorrow.  This method involves writing down all sleep schedules to see patterns.  We shall see how it goes.  It says that while it takes time to see progress, indeed progress can happen.  She even gave the example of what her 12 month old was doing.  He was up every 1.5 hours, something I can definitely relate to, and by the end of her method he was sleeping that holy grail of 10 hours!  Shocking!

Please keep your fingers crossed for me because I am in desperate need of some sleep.

Mr. Model

We finally got some pictures done of the three of us.  And it's about time since Connor is 6.5 months.  My friend Dena took them and I love them!  Connor is way too cute and loves the camera.  He showed off his two hats and smiled most of the time.  Of course when she took pics of the three of us, he wouldn't smile, little bugger.  Oh well!  Here are some of my favs...enjoy!!  :)

Avoca-No!

Well Connor started solid food!! 

First up was bananas and he loved loved loved them!  He gobbled them up and wanted more.  He got them for four days.  (Following the "four day rule" of introducing foods) 

Here are some pics of him loving bananas!

Getting ready for some big boy food!  And note Stoli ready by his side in case anything drops!

YUM!!



But then today we tried Avocado.  I must admit that I never grew up eating this, but once I moved to New Mexico, I started eating it and love it!  It's yummy and so good for you.  Connor, though, did not think it was so great. 

What in the world is this Mommy??


We are going to try avocado again tomorrow and the next two days after that.  I've read sometimes babies don't like a food one day and love it the next.  So I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Conversion

Here is my list of ways I'm becoming a 1950's iconic housewife and mom.  Here we go!

10.  I made the thanksgiving turkey to perfection if I do say so myself and then proceeded to make homemade turkey stock out of the carcass!
9.  I whip up a batch of homemade peanut butter Hershey kiss cookies when I know company is coming over.
8.  Instead of being covered with history books, news articles, and women's studies magazines, my nightstand now has parenting magazines, baby cookbooks, and Ladies' Home Journal.  I still do have one Ms. magazine there though!!
7.  My birthday presents this past year consisted of a camera (so I can take pictures of my baby) and a necklace (of course called teething bling so not only I get to enjoy it, but Connor can drool away on it)
6.  My friends and I get together once a week, not to go shopping or get mani-pedis, no no no, we have playgroup with our kiddos.
5.  And now my girls outing doesn't consist of cocktails, but tea time complete with decaf tea and tasty little sandwiches. 
4.   My conversations with other people mostly consist of how much our babies weigh, how much they sleep, eat, etc. 
3.   I'm crazy about gathering new recipes now and super excited to try them all out.
2.  I wear an apron, not any apron though, one that says "Domestic Diva" on it.

And the number 1 reason...
I mopped the floor the other day, with curlers in my hair!

Mrs. Mom

I think it started when Aaron and I took our dog Holly to obedience class.  The trainer blatantly told us, "I will only know of you as Holly's parents."  I know it sounds silly, but that is the first time that I realized my identity could and in fact will be as someone's something, ie Holly's mom, Aaron's wife, and now Connor's mom.  I'm not saying this is bad, it's just different. 

I've always seen myself as an independent woman and not someone's qualifier.  When I got married, it took me awhile to decide to even hyphenate my last name.  Now I get the joy of signing a ridiculously long name, which is annoying in itself.  But hey, I kept something.  So first came the Mrs.

And now the Mom.  I'm now known as Connor's mom.  Don't get me wrong, I love being associated with the cutest baby in the entire world (no I'm not partial), but really?  I do have a name...

This brings me to the bigger issue of who I am now and my relationships.  One of the most important relationships I have is with my husband.  Becoming a wife and mother were the best things in my life.  It totally changed my life for the better, but it definitely made things different.  Right now, I don't have a job outside of going to school.  I was very nervous about not having an income to contribute to our household expenses.  I remember even talking to my mother in law saying that I was worried Aaron wouldn't respect me anymore.  She looked at me and said of course he will, he is madly in love with you.  Aaron and I had many discussions about it and he reassured me about it all. But I was still nervous.  How would he react when my spending money had to come out of his money?  He's been totally great about it, thank goodness.  It still weighs on my mind from time to time, but I think of it as he has his jobs (yes multiple) and I have mine (taking care of Connor). I think it definitely affects stay at home moms idea of themselves, but a supportive partner helps.  My relationship with Aaron has grown immensely, mostly because we talk things out, experience parenthood together, and support each other's decisions. 

So this fiercely independent woman has become a Mrs. Mom.  However, if I meet a new person I am totally proud of saying "Hello, my name is Rebecca, Connor's mom and Aaron's wife."  :)

Gearing Up

I've always been an analytical person.  Since I've had Connor, however, I am always thinking ahead and planning.  I have a crazy spreadsheet for all my finances, come up with a weekly menu of meals, and keep a running list of what I need at various stores. 

Since Connor is turning six months old at the end of the month, that marks his entry into eating solid food.  And of course I've been gearing up for this much anticipated event.  I've read a ton of articles on what foods to start with, when, how, etc.  I recently purchased some baby cookbooks to help me along the way.  With all the crazy food recalls, toy recalls, and questionable additives to regular food, I made the decision to make my own baby food.  This should be an interesting journey, but I'd much rather know exactly what my baby is eating than some weird jar of who knows what.  The preservatives, sugar, and salt added to baby food is ridiculous! No wonder why we have an obesity epidemic in this country! 

So here are a couple helpful books and websites that I've been looking into for my baby food experience:

 

Organically Raised 

This book has tons of pictures to help you along the way.  It gives step by step instructions and also nutritional information for the various foods.  This is a must buy!

First Meals

This breaks down what babies should eat at each age.  This has a variety of recipes full of pictures.  (can you tell I like to see pictures?)

I'm a big fan of babycenter.com for just quick easy reference material.  Here's their article on making your own baby food.

Babycenter 

My friends Alana and Kristen gave me a lot of guidance in how to do this whole making my own baby food thing.  They suggested the website www.wholesomebabyfood.com and I just say it's amazing! Tons of great information!

So we shall see how this journey goes and how Connor likes food.  I bet he's going to love it because he's already trying to grab everything I eat and drink.  He loves drinking little bits of water from a cup.  He's such a big boy!  Wish me luck!!

MNO

Before I write more about the Mommy Wars, I want to show some gratitude for other mothers.  I recently got home from Mom's Night Out at Sadie's and had such a great time.  It's so nice to get together with other moms who are going through the same things I am.  Our hubbies watched the bambinos and we got to hang out, eat some Mexican food, and drink a margharita (except Kristin who is expecting her baby on Connor's birthday!)  We can talk about whatever is on our mind and receive helpful advice about a range of topics.  These are the women I get together with every week for playgroup, which I admit is sometimes more for the moms than the kids.  Connor can really only lay there right now, but one day he will be able to play.  :)  I get to catch up with my other mommy friends and talk about nap schedules, sleep issues, starting food, and then even go into politics.  (Of course I always bring in politics haha)  It's so nice to be around other like minded women.  It's great to have a support network of other women in my life.  Don't get my wrong, my husband is amazing and my best friend, but sometimes you just need to talk to other women.  They just "get it".  They are all great moms and it's wonderful to share my new motherhood experiences with them.  And of course the women in my playgroup are just a few of the strong, beautiful women I know.  So here's to all the amazing women in my life, from my own mom, mother-in-law, friends from the past, current mommy friends, and everyone in between!  You are all wonderful!  :)

Here are some pics from my playgroup and Moms' Night Out!

 Me and my adorable Connor boy

 Marissa and Barrett

 Alana and Maddie

 Jenny and Alex

 Barrett, Alex, and Connor in age order (Connor is the oldest)

 Connor and Julia hugging

 Maddie and Julia climbing up the stairs at my house and then and older pic of Connor and Maddie

 Moms Night Out  (stupid lighting made it blurry) Marissa, Jenny, Alana, Kristin, and Me

Mommy Wars Part 1

Let me start of by saying that the me from five years ago would most likely be shocked and appalled by what I am about to write. The question I'm interested in is why women stay at home and why women work?

I admit that the debate between staying at home and working is elitist in itself.  Many people can simply not afford a two income household or are single mothers who have to work.  I also recognize the racial backdrop of these debates, but I'll talk about that more later.

I'm breaking this down into a couple of categories:  mainly the emotional side, the money question, changes in relationship with your partner, and affect of the children.  

Before I had my son, I would heatedly challenge anyone on why women need to stay in the workforce while having children.  When some of my friends in college talked about how all they wanted was a husband and children to stay home with, I freaked out listing the opportunities women have now as a result of the feminist movement.  I would ask "why in the world would you want to be just a mom?"  To me, that was equated with the 1950's June Cleaver image of the paranoid housewife asking "is this all there is?"  I wanted a challenging career, equitable partner in life, and oh yea some kids thrown in the mix that I would happily have grandma watch. 

Then I met the love of my life, Aaron.  With him, everything made sense.  We started living together after three months and were married within a year and a half of meeting.  I could see my future with him and for first time I wanted to be someone's wife and eventually (like a five year plan) have kids.  Well three weeks after the wedding, I got pregnant (we are too damn fertile) and it shook my entire foundation.  I loved being pregnant and still thought, ok I can keep working and teaching while having my son, no big deal.  Then I lost my job (don't get me started on that one) and I realized it actually might be a blessing in disguise.  As soon as I saw my son's adorable face, I thought to myself, "there is no way in hell I'm leaving him." 

That's when I became a convert to the idea of staying home.  I want to be the one there when he has his firsts:  first time crawling, walking, word, etc.  I won't lie, I would be extremely jealous if someone else got to experience all of Connor's firsts.  Now don't think that I've given up my feminist roots, I haven't.  Instead I love feminism all the more because it allows women to have choices.  No mother is the same as another and what is right for one will be totally wrong for another.  I don't want to be a stay at home mom for the rest of my life.  I want to go back to work at some point, but not right now or anytime soon.  I don't think that the care mothers provide can be replicated by anyone (even dad, it's just a different relationship) and call me selfish, but I want to be the one Connor wants when he is upset and I want to be the one there to cheer him on during his development.  Right now, my most important job is being Connor's mommy, simple as that. 

Sea of Red

As my baby Connor sleeps, I cry.  Cry over the red sweep taking over America.  What in the world is going on in this country that Tea Party idiots can get any votes and candidates supporting big business interests convince everyday people that they have their best interest?  I'm sad over the conservative trend going on in this country.  You might say it's just the mommy hormones that are getting me, but no, I've always been this passionate.  Apparently more educated people need to get passionate though!  Most news channels are saying how 25% of the voters were over 65.  Why in the world are the people over 65 deciding the future of this country?  Old people voting  Where are the young people?  That is who should be concerned about the future!  Obama got us rallied up in 2008, but couldn't do it now.  (Well a little bit in California because pot was on the table.)  We only made up 10% of the voters this time around, instead of 18%. 

This was on top of another article I read about the first anti-feminist rally in Switzerland.  (gotta love the neutral Swiss)  The group consists of mostly divorced (shocking) men who are pissed about custody battles.  They claim that want to go back to "normal".  What exactly is "normal" in their minds?  Women having no legal rights to children? Women being subordinate in every way so men have all the power and decision making?  I seriously hope that those men never get laid again.

In all of this, I'm raising my little boy as a stay at home mom trying to complete a Ph.D.  What kind of world is he growing up in? 

All I know now is that the country would look much better in blue...