MNO

Before I write more about the Mommy Wars, I want to show some gratitude for other mothers.  I recently got home from Mom's Night Out at Sadie's and had such a great time.  It's so nice to get together with other moms who are going through the same things I am.  Our hubbies watched the bambinos and we got to hang out, eat some Mexican food, and drink a margharita (except Kristin who is expecting her baby on Connor's birthday!)  We can talk about whatever is on our mind and receive helpful advice about a range of topics.  These are the women I get together with every week for playgroup, which I admit is sometimes more for the moms than the kids.  Connor can really only lay there right now, but one day he will be able to play.  :)  I get to catch up with my other mommy friends and talk about nap schedules, sleep issues, starting food, and then even go into politics.  (Of course I always bring in politics haha)  It's so nice to be around other like minded women.  It's great to have a support network of other women in my life.  Don't get my wrong, my husband is amazing and my best friend, but sometimes you just need to talk to other women.  They just "get it".  They are all great moms and it's wonderful to share my new motherhood experiences with them.  And of course the women in my playgroup are just a few of the strong, beautiful women I know.  So here's to all the amazing women in my life, from my own mom, mother-in-law, friends from the past, current mommy friends, and everyone in between!  You are all wonderful!  :)

Here are some pics from my playgroup and Moms' Night Out!

 Me and my adorable Connor boy

 Marissa and Barrett

 Alana and Maddie

 Jenny and Alex

 Barrett, Alex, and Connor in age order (Connor is the oldest)

 Connor and Julia hugging

 Maddie and Julia climbing up the stairs at my house and then and older pic of Connor and Maddie

 Moms Night Out  (stupid lighting made it blurry) Marissa, Jenny, Alana, Kristin, and Me

Mommy Wars Part 1

Let me start of by saying that the me from five years ago would most likely be shocked and appalled by what I am about to write. The question I'm interested in is why women stay at home and why women work?

I admit that the debate between staying at home and working is elitist in itself.  Many people can simply not afford a two income household or are single mothers who have to work.  I also recognize the racial backdrop of these debates, but I'll talk about that more later.

I'm breaking this down into a couple of categories:  mainly the emotional side, the money question, changes in relationship with your partner, and affect of the children.  

Before I had my son, I would heatedly challenge anyone on why women need to stay in the workforce while having children.  When some of my friends in college talked about how all they wanted was a husband and children to stay home with, I freaked out listing the opportunities women have now as a result of the feminist movement.  I would ask "why in the world would you want to be just a mom?"  To me, that was equated with the 1950's June Cleaver image of the paranoid housewife asking "is this all there is?"  I wanted a challenging career, equitable partner in life, and oh yea some kids thrown in the mix that I would happily have grandma watch. 

Then I met the love of my life, Aaron.  With him, everything made sense.  We started living together after three months and were married within a year and a half of meeting.  I could see my future with him and for first time I wanted to be someone's wife and eventually (like a five year plan) have kids.  Well three weeks after the wedding, I got pregnant (we are too damn fertile) and it shook my entire foundation.  I loved being pregnant and still thought, ok I can keep working and teaching while having my son, no big deal.  Then I lost my job (don't get me started on that one) and I realized it actually might be a blessing in disguise.  As soon as I saw my son's adorable face, I thought to myself, "there is no way in hell I'm leaving him." 

That's when I became a convert to the idea of staying home.  I want to be the one there when he has his firsts:  first time crawling, walking, word, etc.  I won't lie, I would be extremely jealous if someone else got to experience all of Connor's firsts.  Now don't think that I've given up my feminist roots, I haven't.  Instead I love feminism all the more because it allows women to have choices.  No mother is the same as another and what is right for one will be totally wrong for another.  I don't want to be a stay at home mom for the rest of my life.  I want to go back to work at some point, but not right now or anytime soon.  I don't think that the care mothers provide can be replicated by anyone (even dad, it's just a different relationship) and call me selfish, but I want to be the one Connor wants when he is upset and I want to be the one there to cheer him on during his development.  Right now, my most important job is being Connor's mommy, simple as that. 

Sea of Red

As my baby Connor sleeps, I cry.  Cry over the red sweep taking over America.  What in the world is going on in this country that Tea Party idiots can get any votes and candidates supporting big business interests convince everyday people that they have their best interest?  I'm sad over the conservative trend going on in this country.  You might say it's just the mommy hormones that are getting me, but no, I've always been this passionate.  Apparently more educated people need to get passionate though!  Most news channels are saying how 25% of the voters were over 65.  Why in the world are the people over 65 deciding the future of this country?  Old people voting  Where are the young people?  That is who should be concerned about the future!  Obama got us rallied up in 2008, but couldn't do it now.  (Well a little bit in California because pot was on the table.)  We only made up 10% of the voters this time around, instead of 18%. 

This was on top of another article I read about the first anti-feminist rally in Switzerland.  (gotta love the neutral Swiss)  The group consists of mostly divorced (shocking) men who are pissed about custody battles.  They claim that want to go back to "normal".  What exactly is "normal" in their minds?  Women having no legal rights to children? Women being subordinate in every way so men have all the power and decision making?  I seriously hope that those men never get laid again.

In all of this, I'm raising my little boy as a stay at home mom trying to complete a Ph.D.  What kind of world is he growing up in? 

All I know now is that the country would look much better in blue...